It’s here!


HEY! Look at that link! Look at that logo! The brand spankin’ new Coffee & Illithids 2.0 is just one click away! It took a lot of work to get that site up and running and there are still a few small things to work out, but for the most part, it’s 99% complete.

All my new movie related posts are going to be posted there from here on out. If you follow this blog, please use WordPress to follow the new site so you don’t miss anything! I will probably be shutting down this old blog in a week or so.




New Website Coming Soon!

Howdy all,

Coffee and Illithids is getting a super sweet new makeover! I understand this is a super small site, but I’m interested in expanding the blog as much as I can going forwards, and a free WordPress blog like this one isn’t going to cut it anymore. There’s nothing wrong with WordPress’ free blogging services, they’ve served me well for the near-year that I’ve been writing here, but I’m interested in having more options and control over the website itself. I feel like learning how to run your own website is a key skill to have in 2017, so I’m going to try and take it into my own hands and see how it goes.

Here’s a snippet of the current iteration of the site:


Pretty snazzy, eh? I can’t guarantee that it will end up looking remotely similar to that in the end, but I figured I’d let you guys in on the process a little bit. As you can clearly tell, I’m in dire need of a logo, and still totally in love with the Albertus font.

Since I’ll be setting up the new site completely independent of this one, I hope that those of you following along will migrate over to the new page once it’s all set up, that way we can all continue down this blogging journey together. Yay friendship!

More as it comes.


13 Reasons Why (2017)

It’s been a while since I’ve written about a whole season of a show rather than a movie, and funnily enough, the last one I wrote about was also a Netflix series. Sure, I’ve written about John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper‘s episodes of Masters of Horror, but those are pretty much short films independent of each other rather than one cohesive story told though multiple episodes. What am I saying, you know what a TV show is, you’re not an idiot (I hope).

mv5bytfmnzrlnwytmmfmni00ztfilwjhodgtogm5odq5ntgxzwuwl2ltywdlxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymtexndq2mti-_v1_sy1000_cr006741000_al_This show has stirred up a lot of controversy with people jumping on either side of the fence and naturally so, being a show that tackles subjects like depression, suicide, and sexual assault. Some people are adamant that the show inaccurately portrays these things and their consequences and that the show is doing more harm than good, while some others feel like this show is taking a brave stance to bring these subjects to light in a time when they’re the most relevant to our current youth culture. I’m not here to tell one side or another which is right or wrong. I’m here to just, like, give my opinion, man.

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past month and a half, 13 Reasons Why is the newest Netflix series to take the world by storm. In small town USA, Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford), a girl who has just moved to town and started in Liberty High School has killed herself. Slit wrists in a bathtub. After her death, her classmates find a box of cassette tapes, each side dedicated to a person or an event that she believes led her to take her own life. The tapes make their way to Clay Jensen (Dylan Minnette), a quiet, smart kid who was a friend of Hannah’s. Through his eyes we get to see Hannah’s story and everything that culminated in her taking her own life.

This show is based on the book of the same name, written by Jay Asher. I haven’t read the book and I don’t intend to. I don’t care how faithful or unfaithful it is to the source material, I just care how well it holds up on its own.


Get Out (2017)

Many of you who have read through this blog probably know my opinions on Blumhouse Productions by now. For those of you who don’t, I have a tumultuous, love-hate relationship with them. They single-handedly shot horror into mainstream culture about a decade ago with low budget, decent quality movies which is awesome, but they’ve been resting on their laurels since, and have begun pandering to the lowest common denominator because they’ve discovered the secret formula to print money (See: Paranormal Activity 5: The Ghost Dimension’s $10 million budget and nearly $80 million box office return).

They seem to be running on a business model of throwing as many low budget horror movies at the wall as possible and seeing which ones stick. Majority of them are kinda shitty movies that bounce off harmlessly, but every once in a while, a real gem will come through, and when it sticks, it sticks. I’m talking non-stop critical acclaim and 4700% returns on it’s budget here, people. This ain’t some Mickey Mouse shit here.

mv5bmjuxmdqwnjcynl5bml5banbnxkftztgwnzcwmzc0mti-_v1_sy1000_cr006751000_al_Get Out is Jordan Peele’s directorial debut, and the fact that the surrealist funnyman (from sketch comedy duo Key & Peele) chose to direct a horror movie is an interesting one.

Get Out is a horror film about Chris and Rose (Daniel Kaluuya and Allison Williams) a young couple who have been going steady for a while. Rose invites Chris to spend a weekend at her rich parents’ (Dean is a neurosurgeon and Missy is a psychologist, played by Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener respectively) house, except there’s one hang up — Rose’s parents, the Armitages, don’t know that Chris is… black. Don’t worry, because Rose assures Chris that her parents might be super-white, but they’ll try their absolute hardest not to offend Chris, no matter how cringe-worthy they might get.

White people, am I right?

When Chris finally gets to spend a weekend with he Armitages and their super old, affluent white friends, he notices things are kind of off  around the house. The two servants happen to be black, and seem to behave from incredibly off kilter to completely hostile. Some awkward phrases are exchanged between family members, their servants, and Chris and our protagonist slowly realizes that something much more sick and twisted is going on than casual, inadvertent racism.

White people, am I right?


Only God Forgives (2013)

My last post here was about Jupiter Ascending, a movie with more movie per movie than any movie before it. There was so much stuff crammed into it, you’d think that the Wachowskis siphoned the plot out from another movie to feed their beast. Having just seen Only God Forgives, I think I found the movie they took from.

I don’t mean to say that Jupiter Ascending and Only God Forgives are similar in any way shape or form. They are both movies starring actors. That’s about where the similarities end. I meant that Only God Forgives seems to have so little going on in it, Jupiter Ascending must have stolen the essence of things happening right out of the movie. This metaphor worked a lot better in my head.

mv5bmze5nzcxmtk5nf5bml5banbnxkftztcwnje2mdg2oq-_v1_sy1000_cr006721000_al_Only God Forgives is Nicolas Winding Refn’s (every pretentious first year film student’s favorite director) follow up to his critically acclaimed film Drive. When Ryan Gosling and Refn teamed up for Drive, they pretty much took the movie world over for a brief period of time,  and when they announced they’d be working together again on another film, they hype train was rolling ahead at full speed.

Only God Forgives is an arthouse revenge thriller about Julian (Gosling), a man who owns a Muy Thai boxing club in Bangkok which acts as a front for his family’s drug operations. His brother, Billy has been recently murdered after raping and killing a teenage girl, and when the family’s mother and matriarch of the gang, Crystal, shows up she sends Julian out to find out who killed Billy and exact revenge upon them.


Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

Settle down folks, settle down. I know you’ve all been waiting for this one. I know out of all the things I write about here, the thing I know as an objective fact, is that everyone wants me to continue watching and reviewing the Hallowe– oh, you don’t care about a late entry in a dying (some would consider it dead by the time this film came out) slasher franchise? Well, uhh, too bad. I watched it, so now I’m going to write about it.

mv5bmzq3mjgzmwmtmjjhmy00mmvjltllmzmtmwvjmmmxntiznwq0xkeyxkfqcgdeqxvymtqxnzmzndi-_v1_sy1000_cr006751000_al_Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is the fifth sequel in the Halloween series that nobody asked for. I’m surprised that it took six whole movies for the producers to stop tying a number to the title, usually that ends at the third or fourth movie when they’re embarassed by how many sequels they’re shitting out for a quick buck. To be honest, I’m a little tired of the subtitle of these movies being The [Insert Thing Here] of Michael Myers.

I’ve honestly been trying to write this review for months (my last Halloween review was in June) and that paragraph is the only thing I’ve managed to conjure up about the movie without rolling my eyes so hard I get brain damage. Since this will stay in my Post Draft folder forever unless I delete it or post it, I present to you a review of comparable laziness and shittiness to its subject. Here are the unedited notes I took while watching Halloween: The Curse of Neverending, Sub-par Slasher Sequels.


La La Land (2016)

Whoops, I guess I lied when I said I won’t be going to a theater anytime soon. Turns out I’ll be going out to the movies more times in December than I have all year. My family makes a tradition of going out to watch a movie on Christmas Day, and this year we were torn, so we all got together and watched the trailers for a handful of new releases and then voted on which we’d want to watch. The options were Sing, Moana, Lion, and La La Land. Based on the title of this post, I’m sure you’re smart enough to deduce what we ended up seeing.

mv5bmzuzndm2nzm2mv5bml5banbnxkftztgwntm3ntg4ote-_v1_sy1000_sx675_al_La La Land is the third full length film from writer/ director Damien Chazelle. “Hmmm… Damien Chazelle, how come that name sounds kind of familiar?” I hear you say. Maybe it’s because he wrote the cartoonish Grand Piano, or the dour and intense 10 Cloverfield Lane. Maybe it’s because his last directing effort was a little movie about drumming and throwing chairs called Whiplash. Chazelle has only been on the radar for a handful of years, but apparently he’s only able to crank out the hits.

La La Land is a very simple movie with a very simple premise. Ryan Gosling plays Sebastian, a jazz pianist aspiring to own his own jazz club and keep jazz alive and thriving in the L.A. scene. Emma Stone plays Mia, an aspiring but struggling actress who is trying to navigate her way through the Hollywood minefield to make a name for herself. They meet, and fall in love. Life ensues.